When Love Feels Like Work

shaylaferris
Jun 2
3 min read

There’s a kind of tired no one warns you about.

Not just the tired from work or parenting or managing a busy life — but the kind where even your relationship starts to feel like just one more thing on your plate.

Where checking in with your partner feels like a chore.Where you’re snapping more, smiling less. Where love — something that’s supposed to feel safe — starts to feel… heavy.

If that hits close to home, I want you to know: You’re not the only one feeling this way and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It might just mean you’re burnt out — and your relationship is trying to function in survival mode.

Let’s talk about what that really means — and how to begin softening the weight.

Why Does Love Start to Feel Like a Job?

Every relationship goes through seasons. In the beginning, things are exciting, effortless, and often idealized. But as time goes on, real life sets in—bills, kids, careers, past baggage, communication styles—and the emotional “spark” gets buried under daily responsibilities.

When love starts to feel like work, it doesn’t always mean the relationship is broken. Sometimes, it just means you’re emotionally drained, or the connection needs some intentional care.

Here are a few common reasons love can start feeling heavy:

Emotional fatigue: You’re pouring into everyone and everything else, and the tank is just… empty.
Unresolved conflict: Tension builds when issues aren’t talked through or when communication feels unsafe.
Lack of reciprocity: One-sided effort leads to resentment, even if it’s unspoken.
Mismatch in needs: One partner may need emotional closeness, while the other may need space—and both feel frustrated.
No time to recharge as individuals: Without time for yourself, it's hard to show up for someone else.

So, What Can You Do?

If love feels like work right now, here are a few gentle steps to help you reset and reconnect:

1. Name What You’re Feeling (Without Shame)

It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling. Acknowledging your emotional exhaustion is not the same as giving up. It’s the first step toward healing.

2. Open Up (Even If It’s Awkward)

Talk to your partner. Not from a place of blame, but from a place of honesty:“I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and I think it’s affecting how we connect.”

That kind of openness can create room for vulnerability instead of defensiveness.

3. Check In With Your Emotional Health

Sometimes, the weight in a relationship isn’t just about the relationship—it’s about how you’re doing, individually. Are you stressed? Burnt out? Dealing with anxiety or depression? Therapy can help you sort through what’s yours vs. what’s relational.

4. Prioritize Intentional Connection

Instead of waiting for big romantic gestures, focus on small, intentional acts:A five-minute check-in after work. A hug that lingers. A “thank you” for the little things. Those moments add up.

5. Consider Couples Counseling

Couples therapy isn't just for “failing” relationships. It’s for partners who want to understand each other better, learn how to communicate effectively, and rebuild emotional intimacy. If you’re both willing, it can be a safe and transformative space.

It’s Okay If Love Feels Hard Sometimes

Not every season of love feels balanced. Some days it’s 80/20. Some days, it’s just about making it through. That doesn’t mean your relationship is failing—it simply means something needs care and attention.

Here’s what I want you to remember: You deserve a relationship that feels steady, supportive, and emotionally safe. And that kind of love? It’s possible—with the right tools, a little courage, and a space where you can be honest about how you're really doing.

Stay Connected with the Connecting Couples Series

If you're craving more ease, understanding, or closeness in your relationship, I invite you to follow along with my Connecting Couples Series where I share short, thoughtful videos with practical tools and gentle reminders to help you feel more connected in love—without the pressure, without the overwhelm.

Because remember, Love Grows where Effort Shows